I Wont Fight with You

You hurt me quite badly the other day. And the day after that, and even just yesterday.
I wasn't expecting those words and that statement from you, because we are close, and we share blood, and we have been through a lot together. But that statement, and that behaviour...it shocked me.
That you could be so cold like that.
Put yourself first like that.
Mentally desert me like that.

And it hurt me. But I didn't shout at you. I didn't cry or make a scene. Because on trumpet day, God will show you.

I just said: "I would do [it] for you" and you said "I don't care" and we left it like that.

You came and apologised, yes. And you took it back. But I could see in your face, it was guilt and not love that made you replace your decisions. And I know, when I saw the pink in your face, that you hated to do something that did not benefit you in anyway
That did not make you look good
That did not flatter you
For me

And it hurt me. Because I would do anything for you. Without complaining. Without question. And you didn't, and it shocked me. But I guarded my tongue. An said nothing. Because on trumpet day, God will say it in my place.

And so I am eased in my hurt, and I don't feel the need for retribution. But something moved in me that day, when you said what you said, and behaved how you behaved: something was shown to me, that I didn't see before.

This relationship is not equal - because you do not love for me what you love for yourself. You are not fearing, of the angels on your shoulder, and you do not feel the submission that gives love to all around you.

But its OK. I don't need to say words, I don't need to demonstrate or fight to make a point. I accept it is written: that I would learn this lesson today.

Because when the trumpet is blown, and we all get the call: God will show you the things I cant show you myself.

So tonight I will pray for you, that before that day, you realise the error of your ego centred ways, that you change.

Then maybe you will be OK, and say hello on the stairway - to heaven.

Back to the Story: On Women

At University, far from home.

I began to interact more and more with females that were not relatives to me, I experienced some quite awful things which made me realise the reasons that men find it so easy to prey on women and take advantage of them.

What I learned was: Women compete with eachother for mans attention, and there are no real rules or lawsa governing each woman's engagement with the other.

So you get types of women, who have different types of competition with eachother.

You have:

1. The woman who is attracted to other women's partners and spends her life trying to entice him to her.

2. The woman who will sleep with any man, for any reason.

3. The woman who will spend her time enticing men, with no intention of seeing it through: she will start fights between couples from her flaunting and flirting.

4. The woman who gives other women bad advice, i.e. telling them something suits them when it doesnt, telling them to buy from a certain shop when that shop is known for bad products etc

5. The woman who pretends to be your closest friend, but gossips about you and spreads badness about you

6. The woman who cannot be friends with an attractive woman, and so uses an attractive woman when it benefits her and then drops her like a hot stone when she's finished

7. The woman who only feels good when under the improper gaze of a man

8. The woman who holds a secret grudge against you for the rest of her life because of a tiny thing you once said 5 years ago

9. The woman who rejoices in your misery and feels sick when something good befalls you

10. The woman who makes everything between you a competition

11. The woman who looks down her nose at you for whatever reason - all.of.the.time

What I learned most about females is that nearly all of there relationships are conditional and based upon mutual gain - like a silent contract.

Females who truly treat eachother as sisters are very hard to come by. They exist, yes - but they are rare and difficult to identify.

I have been very fortunate: I have a few very close female friends who are as sisters to me and follow the rules of the sisterhood:

1.) They support and love me no matter what I do and it doesn't matter to them whether I am naked, or covered, or partying or staying at home:they are there for me

2.) They control their gaze in the company of males

3.) They do not gossip, slander or spread rumours about me

4.) They keep my secrets

5.) They are available when I need them, and at ther same time, they are not clingy to me

6.) When we fight with eachother, that's all it is - there are no grudges held against eachother

And surprisingly, none of them are Muslim. But they are my sisters.

Soul, Spirit, Afterlife

Imagine your soul as a seed, planted in your body.

The seed sprouts it's first sprig: you are born. You now have a duty to grow that seed into a tree. Blossom this tree in the time you have, and you find heaven.

Some trees are planted in excellent soil (good parents), with ample sunshine (faith) and plenty of rain (knowledge) and have a small fence around them to help them grow straight (friends and family). Other trees are not so lucky, and they are born in shade (bad families), with a lot of drought (threats to faith) and no fence to enable them. But the weather is a funny thing, and it can send many gifts to even the most neglected tree to help the gardener who does his best anywat. Trees, you see, are all made of the same stuff - and you are in charge of your tree and you can relocate to a sunnier spot, add water when it is dry, and add nutrients to the soil (good deeds and good qualities and love). And you never know when the weather will be on your side for your tree.

Some trees can have growth spurts. Some can be stunted. There are all kinds of trees in the world.

The weather is constantly changing, but a good gardner will harvest a beautiful plant in any condition with good nurturing and care. The gardener is not perfect, and may err from time to time: but it's ok - as long as the tree is important to him, the tree will grow. Oddly, the weather seems to favour those gardeners who have sincere love for their tree, and sincere love for other gardeners who also wish to grow trees.

Some gardeners, do not care for their trees - preferring to take care of their house instead. They do not add water, or nurtirents, or even read books about how to grow a trees, because no one notices their tree or rewards them for it. When the weather is bad, they will not take advice from other gardeners: preferring to leave the good of the tree to God, or nature of life. Some, abandon their tree, or feel that maybe other, perhaps more beatiful things are more important. Some, cut their tree down in order to make space for other plants they feel are more important. Some take extended holidays from their tree, feeling like they can "do it later". There are also gardeners who think that as long as the tree looks like it is healthy, everything will be ok - forgetting that it is the fruit of the tree, not the appearance - which tells us how healthy it is. A few gardeners can become competitive, and give bad advice on how to grow a tree, so that their tree is the healthiest - not realising that the weather can hear them as they speak and may decide to send a drought in their direction.

These poor gardeners, they forget that time waits for no tree.

The success of the tree, is the success of the entire garden and the gardener. When the clock stops, the tree will produce many fruits: these fruits can be beautiful, these fruits can be bad - it all depends on how you have taken care of your tree.

To be a good gardener, all you really need is 3 things. First of course,you need the strong intention to grow a tree. Second, you must be a good student in the art of tree growing, and seek knowledge for yourself when your tree is not looking too good. And last, but by no means least, you need to keep an eye on the weather.

Trying not to stress too much...

I remember stressing over my GCSEs some 10 or so years ago, and my grandma saying: 2just you wait, life only gets harder and more complicated."

How right she was. I'm managing so much at work at the moment, planning for this big trip and trying to vet new tenants all at the same time and I am exhausted.

Watching my lil' sis now stressing her little heart out over her GCSEs, I am telling her to calm down a little. "Don't stress so much honey..." I hear myself saying, "this is nothing compared to what you have ahead of you"

Remembering how true this statement is, I am remembering (in the midst of my stress) to enjoy my life as I go through it and not waste too much time worrying.

After all, at 73 years of age I will look back and wish I told myself to enjoy it more.

So I'm spending this evening being happy, and not agonising so much.
Why not?

Michael Jackson Has Died

I'm sad ;0(

Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'un

"From God we come and to him we Return"

Regaib Kandili

Today is Regaib Kandili (or Leyletu-l-Regha'ib in Arabic) in the Muslim world. This day commemorates the conception of the Prophet Muhammed.

As Muslim holidays start from the night before, Regaib Kandili is celebrated on the Thursday night preceding the first Friday in the month of Rajab. Many Muslims will fast today and visit mosques tonight for communal celebrations.

Bad Managers, Leaders, Head of Households

I am so angry right now - I am taking long deep breaths to keep myself calm and writing a quick post to release my tension before I lose it. I haven't lost it for a good 5-6 years now, I am not going to be defeated by an awful manager!

one...
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ten.

Hey, that really works!

In the middle of my own "most awful management I have ever witnessed in my life" experience, I rebelled and read some blogs instead of doing my job. I was reading Cairo's post on Khutbas and Imams, I was thinking of families in which the leader destroys the kids, the company in which the leader wrecks the company and the countries where the leader wrecks the economy and the people.

I realised that whilst being a leader may be desirable - it is also essential that the right person (not the most popular or most liked person) takes the job.

We are always voting, choosing and deciding on who we like, instead of who will do the job best. We vote for who has been at the company the longest, instead of who will do the job best. We vote for who is most likely to stay in the position instead of who will do the job best. Who has the best contacts instead of who will do the job best.

Maybe we are not using the right criteria for our leadership choices and this is why we get ruined.

Or maybe leaders are not choosing their positions for the right reasons: wanting the stature and the money, more that the actual leadership.

Who knows. For now - I am just going to keep counting the days to the last.
And promise myself to never take a leadership position unless I am really dedicated to being a leader - and not a superior.