I love you!

I would just like to declare my undying LOVE to all whom support instead of destroy.

For all who confirm you instead of question you.

Who try to see your view, instead of moving to oppose it

Who accept instead of reject

You guys are THE BEST and I LOVE YOU xxx

Just get rid of it

Whatever it is that you don't want in your life - just get rid of it. Don't launch 20 years of war with yourself, and the yes and no side of your emotions and psychology, fighting with yourself to accept what you cannot, be ok with what you cannot, live with what you cannot - bin it. Chuck it. Give it away.

Doesn't matter what it is, where you got it from, how you came to have it -

just
get
rid
of
it.

Dead or alive - if it's hurting you, it has to go.

The path to healing

A lot of the time, we identify problems in a less-than-productive way, which is why we remain in victim mode - forever doomed to suffer this or that particular problem.

For example: your problem might be that you have a highly critical family member, and so you make the identification like this:

My problem is that my family member is critical.

Actually - this is not the problem.

The problem is that you have not addressed your contribution to this family member's incorrect feelings of verbal liberation around you and you have not asserted yourself or your needs around them in such a way that they have heard you.

AND / OR

You have not adequately erected psychological and emotional defense mechanisms that reflect (rather than absorb) this person's treatment towards you and around you.

AND/ OR,

you still see this awful person and listen to their toxic waste in spite of their maltreatment of you.

Epso facto, by attributing the problem to someone or something outside of yourself - you render yourself completely powerless in the situation.

By rendering yourself powerless, you metaphorically cut of your limbs and tongue and compel yourself to a lifetime of suffering.

As soon as you stop, you are on the path to healing.

People will take the piss for as long as they can

If you have a piss taker in your life, this is happening to you primarily because you are letting them.
I don't know why you are letting them - this is a question for you to answer for yourself. It may be that you fear losing them, or you fear a life without them. It may be that you feel accepting whatever piss takes a person gives you is a form of love and acceptance, or maybe you just don't want to rock the boat and you want to avoid conflict.

The truth is (though) that if you stand up to the pisstaker they will not go anywhere. You are unlikely to lose them and you are unlikely to have any kind of conflict that will devastate your life.

When you stand up to a piss taker you are not actually taking control, you are giving it. You are saying: "here you go pisstaker - the decision is up to you, do with it as you wish" and like most people with tremendous responsibility in their hands: they tend to do the right thing and start sorting their shit out.

Yes, you do have the occasion where there is a particular brand of pisstaker who has his head so far up his own arse that he simply refuses to change in which case the best thing to do is walk away from such persons. Yes, it may cause hurt and discomfort - but that hurt and discomfort is temporary whereas life with such a person is forever and always.

In life and death situations, people have found the strength to hack off their own arms, lift whole cars and swim miles and miles in order to survive. Whilst we are not in any immediate phucial danger - your psychological and emotional survival plays on the same rules, namely that:

if something is killing you, then it has to die

these are the rules of survival and emotions and thoughts are no different.

Your break can break down in on itself, your emotions can make you ill, you can have nervous breakdown or complete and total insanity come upon you if you fail to protect your psychology and your emotions in the same way that a mother tiger protects her cub.

Learn the easy way, by understanding what I say, or learn the hard way through pain and hardship.

Up to you.

Toxic Parents - A Must Read

This book is an amazing read that will definitely get you thinking in the way that you should be thinking: about yourself, for yourself.

Really, strongly and powerfully recommend this book to everyone who had a "difficult" home life growing up, and anyone who has a "difficult" relationship with their parents today.

Liberating.

Kind Word Project Update

OK, so I lasted around 3-4 hours, most of which was spent in silence to be honest.

My New Kind Word Project

As much as I hate extreme self focus, sometimes it's necessary to "be the change you want to see in the world" as they say. So I have decided to do a little project upon which I am going to try and say only kind words for the rest of the week and see how far I get.

I think sometimes being mean, cruel and critical can become something of a habit, and having noticed what a painful experience this is (from being on the receiving end), I spent some time listening to people when they speak and this is what I noticed:

1.) People speak a lot about what they want / need / must have / would like
2.) People complain a lot about others
3.) People insult, degrade and cuss out others with little self regulation

Having noticed all of this, I was suddenly struck by the reality that I must also be this way (I am, after all, participating in these conversations in some way shape or form)

So - I am going to self focus, and most of all think carefully about what I am about to say before I say it, and run my kind word project.

I'll let you know how it pans out, and of course - if you want to try it out for yourself then by all means go for it and let me know how you get on :)

God knows I need something positive to focus on.